I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
