I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
