this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
