I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
