I think i peed on brittanys purse
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
