The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Randomize
