we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
