Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
