there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
