She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
