I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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