I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Small penises have feelings too.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
