Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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