I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
