I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
