is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
