Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
