I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
