are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
