we have pet lesbian snakes
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want to make a zoo with you.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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