i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
