Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
