your parents love me but you hate me
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
