Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
