Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
