And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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