the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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