Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
