Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
