omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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