you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize
