i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
