I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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