she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
