I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
