I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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