I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
