Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
