i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
