had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
is wine microwaveable?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
