why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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