Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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