We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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