went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
