She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
two words...techno handjob
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
