call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
