Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
