I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
