yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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