wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
