So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I want a musical about memes.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
