I smell stomach acid.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
