Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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